It’s undeniable that all hashers who attended the March 29 trail felt a bit “(t)horny” following the shigtastic jaunt through small city streets, unique food markets and, most importantly, up-and-down (repeat many times) the nearby mountain.
Approximately 30 hashers from the Yongsan Kimchi Hash House Harriers kennel in Seoul, Korea took on the 3.5-mile journey, with an A-to-A start point at Seodaemun Station in northwest central part of the city.
After the blessing of the hares (birthday girl Value Vagina Discunt and Count Crankyoula), a rousing chalk talk led by GM Kitchen Is Code and the introduction of a named hasher who was most recently in Cuba (Eiffel something…), the pack darted upstairs on a balmy Saturday morning.
Maneuvering through small city streets, the pack began its climb up the mountain with an early beer check under a quaint pagoda. Recently named, Two Black Guys, was positively thrilled when he was able to taste the sweet taste of Korea’s beloved home-brewed Cass (or Hite or OB)!
“Oh, found it!” he happily remarked.
From there, the pack glided and slided along a mountain trail until a checkpoint led up. And up. And up. Oh, and up… Through thorns and foot-high shiggy consisting of jagged tree limbs, golf balls the size of gigantic golf balls (they may have been the size of a bowling ball. Or the moon.) And more goddamned thorns.
Just wait for the best part. All that shiggy we went through? We could’ve just taken the nearby trail that connected to trail at the top. Then again, dedicated Hashers don’t lose trail. After a beautiful scenic point that overlooked the skyscrapers and peaks of Seoul, the pack headed down. And down. And down.
Legs were shredded. Blood was shed.
“A lot of people came back really fucked up,” Soju Sonata in A Minor bluntly stated later that week as he sorrowfully glanced at his clawed-up legs. He added he slowed down to not get completely bludgeoned. (Good idea, Soju, but this decision may have cost you later on…)
At this point, most of the pack was able to stay together, thanks to the numerous checkpoints, true trails and enough Hash marks to easily follow trail.
“A good trail doesn’t lose anyone for long… just confuses the fast hashers long enough for the slower ones to catch up,” said Hare VVD.
As the pack left the mountain in its dust and smog, new challenges, such as an on-over over a fence and winding through narrow, crowded markets (squid! strawberries! songpyeon!), where the local vendors gleefully cheered us on. After a peaceful stride through an apartment complex with a large green space reminiscent of the Amazon, the trail concluded with a slight uphill back to the start point.
Dodic narrowly beat out Soju for the FRB of the week, with their times valiantly displayed in yellow chalk. ON THE GROUND.
As YK Hashers waited for the rest of the pack to join them in the glory of completing the trail, beer was drank and merriment was had.
A stupendous surprise occurred in the form of our beloved local HBC bartender and jolly Irish man whose work schedule has prevented him from participating in (or staying awake) at Hashes in recent months. Tirty Tree and Two Tirds[sic] floated in towards the pack… Serenely, as an immaculate vision where you could nearly hear doves cry. It was beautiful. His first Hash in months, attending for his friend VVD.
Circle was a rambunctious occasion, where two new virgins joined in the beer consumption, along with their sponsors. The spirit of the pack remained high, despite the absence of Dick: YK’s endearing, ageless mascot in the form of a plastic T-Rex.
Several Hashers gained longevity patches, and VVD was showered with love and beer in honor of her birthday. She also received her Junior Trail Master patch, [in honor of her 50 YK runs and five hares]. According to Kitchen, our Polish-English GM, VVD is now, definitely, “over 50.”
Her domination stretched to commanding Hash Shit nominations. She easily won, and downed the drink like a champ (with some help from Cranky). She also delivered gifts from her Southeast Asian travels.
Following a holy version of Hash Hymnal, NN Jordan was christened with this now-and-forever true name (fuck that nerd shit): DreamReamer. Welcome to the pack, you Fucking Fuck. And congratulations to you and your Hash Daddy, Cranky.
People ran, laughed, drank and lived in the moment. And that, dear Hashers, is really what it’s all about.
**Every time “Hash” or “Hasher” was written was capitalized on purpose because it’s a proper noun. Like the Bible. Done.