World Peace Through Beer hash-trash.

Saturday morning, the YK pack met at World Cup Stadium. Eventually the co-hare, Midget, did as well, clearly prepared and ready for a good trail, and in proper running attire. Corndog stepped in to do chalk talk, and made it a longer than usual intro, to give the hares some extra time. TBG and Flame were chomping at the bit, the smell of a ‘hare snare’ in their noses. As it was World Peace through beer, many of the pack brought delicious beverages of choice from exotic lands like Milwaukee, and Texas. Chalk talk eventually finished, and the pack was finally let go.

I can’t say I know much about trail except that it was supposedly the trail run for the Red Dress Run we did in the spring, but backwards and maybe more stairs?.
– Very surprisingly, the hares were not caught, in part because some of the pack just didn’t recognize them and so never gave chase.

At circle, we welcomed 2 virgins to the pack and we welcomed back a YK hasher from back in the late 90’s, Tartar Sauce. We had our chance to say goodbye to MVB as she’s headed back to the states. Tears were shed as Tartar sobbed over and over, “its just not the same anymore…”IMG_1391

Hares and MVB were given hashit, and the pack gathered up the extra beer to take to the other kennels.

Southside assembled at the ‘double pagoda’ near Namtaeryong. Hares TBG and Flamethrower promised lots of beer on trail and short, flat, shiggy-free experience. The pack actually had to wait on the hares to come back in from trail before we could start. It was cool though, we had world beer to contemplate peace.

The trail was not necessarily long, but there was a lot of ups and downs. AND SOME GREAT VIEWS!! 10675531_10152831564656115_3051035711172799012_nSome of us went as far as the 2nd beer check, which was really more of the 2nd of many beer teases. The hares marked that there was beverage of choice… HARES LIE!!!

Some turned back while others continued the long march of sorrow through the mountains. It was not very sunny, so those of us waiting for the pack to arrive sustained ourselves on junk food and a couple trips to the store that was another long sorrowful walk from the on-in.

Beer was being finished pretty quick and the weather seemed to be turning against us as well, and so before the last of the pack got back from trail we started circle.
– We punished the hares, and the FRB: Cum-N-Go
– We welcomed 4 virgins to the pack
– our returners gave away free stuff
– We ran out of beer, so didn’t bother with hashit
– We sang a quick swing low

Circle finished as it was getting dark and a few rain drops hit. We took the subway 1 stop up to Sadang, and found a dokgalbi place thanks to our current Korean sound effects maker, Subin. Dinner turned a bit more expensive than we had originally thought, but fortunately we had gone through some of the packs bags while they were on trail, and didn’t come up too short….IMG_1402


YK, and Southside Oct 4-5

I don’t really have a whole lot of time to write a good hash-trash, so I’ll write a poor quick one as usual.

YK met on a beautiful Saturday morning, and welcomed 2 visitors from abroad. I say ‘welcomed’ instead of the more correct term- hazed. Commercial Whal and Who the F is Alice.

The day’s hare, Ninjabator, pre-laid trail the previous night, on his own, as his first time to ever hare a run. So many lessons were learned that day, by all of us.IMG_1210
– It was an A-B, so we couldn’t turn around when we realized all his marks would be under cars and 200 meters apart
– we were told about 4 miles. It was 9.
– we were told he ran out of chalk. Yes, he clearly did that… several times it seemed.
– he took us past some beautiful parks. Not through, past.

I don’t know what the pack has done to make 1 hare so angry at them, but I hope we find a way to apologize.

Once the pack had gotten to the end after numerous messages and calls to Kitchen, the growling hashers relented as their bellies were fed, and their thirst quenched with our beverage of choice.

You can bet the pack gave the hare the hashit, for which it was well deserved, and the hare took it like a champ and was happily listening to the ‘suggestions’ of how to run a better trail next time….

Additionally, we got to celebrate the upcoming nuptials for VVD and Cranky, and we also got finally give name to a harriette, well known for her love of all law enforcement personnel. Congrats PoePoePooh-stew.


Southside was supposed to be hared by Midget, but he was unfortunately called into work… at least that is what the story is currently. I think there also exists the possibility that our hare said “F-it!” and didn’t want to take his chances doing his first hare as half the pack was still sore and from Saturday. Given some un-marked turns, their may be blood shed!
– Zimbab and TBG acted as relief hares for the trail just outside Yangjae station. IMG_1286a

Up and down a couple of hills and through the woods, the hares made a good number of YBFs to try to slow down the pack. Although they were given at least 20 minutes head start, they only finished 5 minutes ahead of the FRBs.

Trail had been less than 5k, so for what length the trail lacked, we made up in length of circle. Nut and Bone was kind enough to take a drunk break from his conference to join us.

We also welcomed our 3 virgins and 1 visitor (Hakama from Tokyo), and enjoyed their dance about having Ebola while donating blood in Thailand, while filmed by Whore.



Aug 2-3 Hash trash, including Pissmas’ swim

August 2nd- YK
hares: Rock and a Hard on & Midget
Trail started and ended on Nodeulseom island. There was concern that Corndog had been lost and died on trail. As I was extremely late, I was only there in time to see that Corndog had in fact survived, and thus next week’s plan for his funeral was called off.

August 3rd – Southside
#770 – Gwacheon Swim.
Hares: Pissmas, and (recently named) SeoulTrain
Namings: SeoulTrain
Virgin: Fun Runs

Although it seemed like it may turn out to be a rainy day, many hashers showed somewhere close to 1 o’clock south in Gwacheon. The pack waited for the hares to return laying trail, so they could ‘run’ it with us. ‘Running’ was done by maybe 3 or 4 hounds, cause the rest of us grabbed roadies for our walk along trail. Pissmas was kind enough to carry a backpack full of beer to be our own personal walking beer check.
At one point, Pissmas and our visitor, Fun Runs, felt obliged to give a homeless guy a beer along our walk. I mention this only because it will be important to remember this later.

Pissmas' trail

Pissmas’ trail


We walked through some streets, drinking and singing. A light rain started just as we started hiking up a hill. It was at this moment of physical activity that I and many others began to question the choice of drinking before this hike, and as well as many previous life decisions. We took a photo of our view on the hazy day, and continued down the hill. Pissmas was kind enough to show us EXACTLY where the slippiest part of the trail was. Fortunately the beer was not hurt, and after 15 minutes of awkward walking, he could stand up fully erect again.

IMG_0791Cuming off the hill, we found our way to a river/stream area, and took us all of maybe 20 seconds to fin an area with enough water to submerge a body. Along this part of the water there was also a group of young koreans that shared our joy of the day, and so shared their soju with us. They were having a blast doing their traditional korean food and drink along the river and also got up to take photos and splash around. One Korean seemed especially fond of trying to jump on me while I was laying in the water and put his knee into my face. HAHA! those crazy Koreans!

IMG_0798We played in the water as Pissmas continued to inform us “THIS IS NOT THE SWIM STOP!!!” So we all put our shoes (and pants) back on, and continued down trail. We made it to the intended swim check, where about 3 or 4 of us were sticking around to get in the water- seems some of the pack was getting hungry and continued to the end.
– We eventually continued on our trail and made our way back to the end.

As soon as we got back in, we made sure we had only lost a few people and grabbed the beer and our stuff to go have circle at the swimming hole. As soon as we started to get in the water, 3 korean boys managed to knock a friend’s head on a rock and was bleeding pretty bad in the water. As hashers continued to show up, everyone was asking every other hasher: “what the hell did you assholes do?!?!”
– Really! It wasn’t us this time!!

Beers and baggo were floating in the water as we sang some songs and welcomed our visitor/virgin Fun Runs, and we welcomed back our returners: Let it Blow, HIIT, and Putin. The homeless guy showed up again, and this time brought some food and soju to share with some members of the pack. He3 was especially fond of fun runs and tried to show her a super nice, super secluded spot on the river bank.

groupsSongs were sung, beers drunk, and in order to facilitate a good naming, we sang hash hymn number 1, and then got out on the bank to give a somewhat proper naming. SeoulTrain was thus born, and afterward we moved up stream a bit of had a great on after of local korean beer and food. It felt even more authentic Korean as there was not a bit of english on their menu. Fortunately, some of us remembered a few key phrases of Korean, including mekju (beer).

Well done, Pissmas! Great trail! Great circle area, and the best on-after spot I’ve been to in a long while! You did Southside proud!


Hash hell weekend 2014

Hash Hell kicked off with the Bulldog Boozers on a Thursday night. Arriving in Songtan we finally found some chalk after heading out the incorrect exit. We arrived a half-an hour late to the Bulldog pub, but the pack was still there. We got our Hash Hell patches and were informed it was an A to B trail. So we grabbed our bags and the pack was away.
– Surprisingly no one was in a rush, everyone seemed to be taking their time and walking. A short trail later and another bar. We drank, we sang and new hares led us to another bar. Each leg was marked by new hares, so everyone got their turn. After doing this a few times we arrived at our 5th and final bar. Before being welcomed into the pack we had to satisfy a few requirements. I don’t remember all the requirements, but all the virgins got new names that had to do with a bull, a dog, or a bulldog. Some of the names were Labrador Retrieve-her, Dogs Asshole, Cunt of the Litter and SojuShitzu, we also sang Piano Man. After Circle was over we made our way back to the Lions Den bar for the On-After. We got introduced to a new tradition here, becoming a Booze Hound. The goal is to drink a large amount of beer in a short amount of time and keep it down. Many tried only a few succeeded.

Friday night, aka the 2nd circle of hell, was NQR. We arrived at the meeting place late again. I was asked to prove my loyalty to the hash by chanting “NQR is the Mother Hash”. Shortly after there was some talk about noise complaints as the police rolled into the parking lot. Immediately the pack was away, and it became an A to B run. Everyone quickly threw their bags into a car and took off into the night. Danger Can was a thing that night, and we even got to see some interesting “barber” shops. I heard someone refer to it as the Pink Light District. We came to our starting point, and the hares starting using a new mark to avoid confusion leading us to point B. During circle we learned that the Bag car had a police escort. See!! even the police love hashers!

Saturday started with the 3rd Circle of Hell, hosted by the Yongsan Kimchi H3: the Revenge of the Daewoo Buss (just like that one over there). We had many, many new faces in attendance. So many virgins to sacrifice to Dick. Kitchen is Code walked us through chalk-talk and we had a guest story teller tell us about Roadkill. Soon after the pack was away. I was taking it easy and walked the trail with a few others. We saw many dilapidated shanties, and some “Free Chalk”. We soon came upon an A and D split. I split off from the group seeking the adventure that the A trail would give me. I strolled through a whole neighborhood of condemned or abandoned houses. Shortly after catching up to the other that went on the D trail, we heard a Corndog coming up behind us complaining about never wanting to be late again. After everyone made it back, circle was completed and we had a very happy Dick. The visiting Hashers from Japan called DHP up on stage and sang a few verses of “Old McHasher.” Turns out he had a whale as they all sprayed him down with beer from their blowholes.

The 4th circle required the Harriettes and Harriers to split off for a while. The Seoul H3 run started with a little pep talk from the Hares about the trail and what to expect. They mentioned something about having a spare set of shoes and a flashlight. Many of us were unprepared. The pack was released and we darted across a small patch of grass into a tunnel that truly descended into hell. As the light slowly faded the water got deeper. Soon there was no light to assist, and only splashing all around. A Chem-Light here and there assisted very little. That’s when it dawned on me to use the flashlight app on my phone. Soon others were flocking to me like moths to a flame (if only this worked at a bar!!). We ran together until the light at the end of the tunnel could be seen. We emerged from the tunnel and got back on dry ground. The trail took us through lots of different terrain ranging from deep forest to an industrial park. Back at the starting point there was a keg, and some delicious hearty food. I’m thankful I wasn’t the last one back as I got to see some of the others roll in. Most notably was Ack Ack. He appeared wearing some kind of black mesh road warrior ensemble. He claimed he was trying to fashion it into a shirt. We all got our chance to stand in front of the group and tell a story or joke or anything really. I still can’t get “Up in the air junior birdman” out of my head.

-The 5th Circle was the ladies only SPMS, I was not in attendance. Maybe some of the ladies would care to chime in on the comments section and fill us in on what Hell was like for you?

Entering the 6th circle of hell, Southside and H5. As the pack started to get restless about the beer situation the Hash Hooch did not disappoint. We gathered up and introduced the virgins to Southside. (SOUTHSIDE!) The pack was away and we needed more beer. Let it Blow , Erection Notice and I headed to Osan for a beer run. We took our time, even ate at Charley’s in the Food Court. Once finished we hit the store and the lady behind the counter wasn’t sure why I was buying all that beer and Boxes of wine. I assured her that it was all for me, and rolled out. We arrived back at Circle to notice it had moved because of the rain. Apparently, hashers melt in the rain… Stories about the trail were told and apparently Mmm Bop was trying to imitate his favorite movie, Predator, on trail as he tried to blend into the wilderness. The virgins entertained us with one of the largest and busiest interpretative dances I’ve ever seen. The theme I believe was pedophiles at a children’s playground? Timberballs called up Let it Blow and serenated him with a hash appropriate version of the Frozen song we all know and love (even the english teachers were able to tolerate it when sung like this). Shortly after, the police started driving by more frequently, and eventually got out and walked over to us. C3PeeHoles played some bagpipes for the last few minutes we were allowed to stay there.

On the 7th and final circle of Hash Hell Weekend, OsanBulgogi, and Poofters. I was called up the virgin line and was handed a banana (a real banana, you sickos!). I was told to hold on to said banana, and that it was fair game for anyone to attempt to steal, and attempt they did. LierLier was off in short order to lay the trail, before long he was already back at the Lions Den. Away we went, on one of the shortest trails, I think, ever. Once around the block and we were back. First trail complete. Next trail was the poofter run, and DPH was away. We soon followed after, leading us through the streets. He was kind enough to lay a checkpoint next to his apartment, and some of the pack decided to go make it a Beer Check. Up they went to his apartment. Soon after we were entering narrow alleys and around a rice paddy. Along the way there was some Free Shit. Up and around some buildings and into the shaggy we went. Toilet paper was our true trail markers. As the LRB’s returned to the Lion’s Den they had gathered a nice supply of trail treasure. A pink flamingo, Harry Potter found her Nimbus 2000 and a few other assorted goodies. We were called up and asked if we still had out bananas. We were then asked to eat them off of some rather interesting unsanitary places. All of the banana wielders were good sports about the whole thing and it was a great time. Circle was getting close to the longest one in history as it went on for a few hours.

It was a great weekend, exhausting though. I don’t want to do anything like that anytime soon, but I’m looking forward to the next one. If you were able to make any of the Circles from the Hash Hell weekend you know what I mean. I’m off to take a coma.

-Black Cock Down

Mr. Blister’s Weekend (YK 5/3 & SS 5/6)

I’ll make this quick since I wasn’t on either trail, but still feel a need to continue the written mis-history of kennels I attend. 

yk53Saturday, May 3rd, YK kennel gathered on the eastern side of Seoul for Drinko-de-Mayo!! Honestly, it wasn’t THAT far east, but for this pack, anything east of Itaewan might as well be on the coast. There were further incentives for joining today, as we had a visit from a hasher of previous infamous renown, Mr. Blister. Additionally, it was the joint EM run* of HHIT and My Little Putin. In honor of such an auspicious occasion, the hares decided they would lay a trail that a hasher could finish on their hands and knees.

Chalk talk was given-  the hares explained that at the A/D split, if you choose the A trail, please have professionally-tested climbing equipment, or at least leave some personal burial money.

Hours and hours later, we the bagsitters were still waiting for those on trail to come back. Circle was had, virgins welcomed to the pack, and the hares, were made EMs and celebrated with cake in the face.



SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY at Southside was a rather nerdy “May the 4th be with You” Star Wars hash, hared by Bag O Shit and Do-Me-Decimal. A wonderful location was chosen under a bridge. Pack assembled, and hares away’ed.

ss54After a trail that included light saber duels, danger box-o-wine, and finding new awesome furniture, the pack came back for food and circle. Mr. Blister was there to hand out some patches and say his goodbyes. We also had some visiting hashers from Taiwan, although I think only 1 had actually hashed before.


Erections were also held. New mismanagment is as follows:
GFs-Drink Her Pretty & C3peeholes
RAs- Nut Bone & HHIT
Hash Cash- Menage ugggh
Hare Raiser- Between a Rock & a Hard On
Hash Hooches- One Midget to Rule Them All & Two Black Guys
Haberdash- Teener Schnitzel
Hash Flash- NN Dan (Not for long…)

hash trash: YK 4/12

I showed up at the meeting spot right about 11:30 (just an hour and a half late), and was met by KitchenIsCode with the usual bagsitter greeting:
“Wanna have some beer as we rummage through everyone’s bags?”


"I knead a stepstuhl to get they're atension."

“I knead a stepstuhl to get they’re atension.”

Bags were strewn on the ground. One could tell the bags of those hashers who arrived late (TBG, Zimbab, and a newbie) as they were tossed with reckless abandon and not as orderly as the rest. Kitchen and I rifled through to see if anyone had any bottles of Soju or Magkoli to add to our morning ‘hair-of-the-dog.’

The beer was beginning to get warm in the Spring morning sun… I chose a couple specifically for the FRB’s and nestled them down deep below the other cans to preserve their slight cool… We took four off the top as a bagsitters’ payment…

The hares arrived back at start and were digging through their bags to change into Hapi Coats and change shirts. One looked frantically for their bottle of Soju…I’ll never tell… so they had to just drink that bottle of Powerade all by itself…

After a couple hours (literally, hours!), the first couple short-cutting hashers (including DreamReamer) came in carrying Tears for Queers’ stool. Not much later, the non-short-cutting bastards ran in carrying more ‘treasures’ from trail: a duck head, a hula hoop, a broken walking stick, and fuzzy ear muffs. Eventually, a piece of plastic-wrapped cheese was added by one of the large group of homeless men hanging around the hash. Ricky and Kaila also showed up for circle after their completion of the half marathon on base. Apparently, adding a 6 mile trail to their already completed 13.1 was a bit too much to ask for these newbies…

Within circle, awards were given for best trail treasure, and KitchenIsCode became increasingly angry and frustrated at the circle being seemingly overtaken by a SouthsideH3 style of rambunctious-ness, including TearsForQueers shotgunning a can of beer, and throwing it ON THE GROUND! Kitchen displayed his contempt at such obnoxious behavior by launching the broken walking stick at one of the more subdued and quiet members of the hash.
– Faux apologies were given & accepted once the beer and blood was cleaned up, and the hasher regained consciousness after a while.

Within the extended length of YK’s circle (almost as long as it took to complete their trail), the Hares PAPS and I-35 were made to pay for their crimes against the hash. They tried to pawn off responsibility for the 2 hour trail on an unknown 3rd hare: Mr. Kim (cause that’s the name of every Korean, right?) while they also patted themselves on the back for finding an awesome adult-sized playground with more than just a swingset that can hold 2 grown drunk waygooks. TwoBlackGeyez had brought in a virgin to the pack, (no-name) Marty McFly, and another hasher was given his new, now and forever name: ‘Kanger-Oops.’ Named for an epic lusty encounter down-under.

Eventually, the circle was getting almost as rambunctious as the drunk homeless Korean men that were watching us, and so it was time to bestow the ‘hashit‘ upon the most worthy recipient: KitchenIsCode. Not only had his English grammar been exceedingly bad this week, but the pack felt his going ‘beserk’ upon another mild-mannered hasher was at such an epic level, that it rivaled Zimbab’s blood-lust against that ajuma on the subway up to the 38th parallel hash this past February.
– Rumor has it that Zimbab’s victim has recently come out of her coma and will hopefully walk again by next year. 

Kitchen took the hashit like a champ, which had been stirred with the very walking stick (still wet with blood) he had thrown earlier. Circle was concluded with hash hymnal #1 led by Kanger-Oops, and some found their way to the OB-hash while others found their way to Everest for some delicious Nepalese curry.

Good times were had yet again, despite the best efforts of the hares and mis-management, and so we kinda look forward to next week’s trail and/or bagsitting.

* special thanks for writing assistance to Timberballs

hash-trash: VVD Bday; YKH3; 3/29

YKH3 March 29 VVD bday

YKH3 March 29 VVD bday

It’s undeniable that all hashers who attended the March 29 trail felt a bit “(t)horny” following the shigtastic jaunt through small city streets, unique food markets and, most importantly, up-and-down (repeat many times) the nearby mountain.

Approximately 30 hashers from the Yongsan Kimchi Hash House Harriers kennel in Seoul, Korea took on the 3.5-mile journey, with an A-to-A start point at Seodaemun Station in northwest central part of the city.

After the blessing of the hares (birthday girl Value Vagina Discunt and Count Crankyoula), a rousing chalk talk led by GM Kitchen Is Code and the introduction of a named hasher who was most recently in Cuba (Eiffel something…), the pack darted upstairs on a balmy Saturday morning.

Maneuvering through small city streets, the pack began its climb up the mountain with an early beer check under a quaint pagoda. Recently named, Two Black Guys, was positively thrilled when he was able to taste the sweet taste of Korea’s beloved home-brewed Cass (or Hite or OB)!
Oh, found it!” he happily remarked.

From there, the pack glided and slided along a mountain trail until a checkpoint led up. And up. And up. Oh, and up… Through thorns and foot-high shiggy consisting of jagged tree limbs, golf balls the size of gigantic golf balls (they may have been the size of a bowling ball. Or the moon.) And more goddamned thorns.

Just wait for the best part. All that shiggy we went through? We could’ve just taken the nearby trail that connected to trail at the top. Then again, dedicated Hashers don’t lose trail. After a beautiful scenic point that overlooked the skyscrapers and peaks of Seoul, the pack headed down. And down. And down.

Legs were shredded. Blood was shed.

A lot of people came back really fucked up,” Soju Sonata in A Minor bluntly stated later that week as he sorrowfully glanced at his clawed-up legs. He added he slowed down to not get completely bludgeoned. (Good idea, Soju, but this decision may have cost you later on…)

At this point, most of the pack was able to stay together, thanks to the numerous checkpoints, true trails and enough Hash marks to easily follow trail.

A good trail doesn’t lose anyone for long… just confuses the fast hashers long enough for the slower ones to catch up,” said Hare VVD.

As the pack left the mountain in its dust and smog, new challenges, such as an on-over over a fence and winding through narrow, crowded markets (squid! strawberries! songpyeon!), where the local vendors gleefully cheered us on. After a peaceful stride through an apartment complex with a large green space reminiscent of the Amazon, the trail concluded with a slight uphill back to the start point.

Dodic narrowly beat out Soju for the FRB of the week, with their times valiantly displayed in yellow chalk. ON THE GROUND.

As YK Hashers waited for the rest of the pack to join them in the glory of completing the trail, beer was drank and merriment was had.

Then, hark!

A stupendous surprise occurred in the form of our beloved local HBC bartender and jolly Irish man whose work schedule has prevented him from participating in (or staying awake) at Hashes in recent months. Tirty Tree and Two Tirds[sic] floated in towards the pack… Serenely, as an immaculate vision where you could nearly hear doves cry. It was beautiful. His first Hash in months, attending for his friend VVD.

Circle was a rambunctious occasion, where two new virgins joined in the beer consumption, along with their sponsors. The spirit of the pack remained high, despite the absence of Dick: YK’s endearing, ageless mascot in the form of a plastic T-Rex.

Several Hashers gained longevity patches, and VVD was showered with love and beer in honor of her birthday. She also received her Junior Trail Master patch, [in honor of her 50 YK runs and five hares]. According to Kitchen, our Polish-English GM, VVD is now, definitely, “over 50.”

Her domination stretched to commanding Hash Shit nominations. She easily won, and downed the drink like a champ (with some help from Cranky). She also delivered gifts from her Southeast Asian travels.

Following a holy version of Hash Hymnal, NN Jordan was christened with this now-and-forever true name (fuck that nerd shit): DreamReamer. Welcome to the pack, you Fucking Fuck. And congratulations to you and your Hash Daddy, Cranky.

People ran, laughed, drank and lived in the moment. And that, dear Hashers, is really what it’s all about.


**Every time “Hash” or “Hasher” was written was capitalized on purpose because it’s a proper noun. Like the Bible. Done.